Do you believe in magic? Part 2

Posted by Marlinee on Aug 19, 2011 in Middle Age |

These are more things I would do if I had magical powers:

• Become a plant whisperer. I would talk to the weeds and explain why they should get out my garden, and find out from the legitimate plants what I am doing wrong. On second thought, this might backfire because they would probably report me to the plant humane society and tell all of their relatives at the nursery to make themselves scarce. Maybe I’ll just stick to making it rain only at night, just like in Camelot.

• Predict which things will be worth a lot of money if you keep them long enough. Apparently there is a brisk business in vintage McDonald’s Happy Meal toys, Hot Wheels cars and pristine EtchaSketches. Unfortunately most of us actually played with our toys (let those among us who never cut their Barbie’s hair cast the first stone). Alas, my Expo 67 ephemera proved to be just that, although I still have some reasonably intact Troll dolls in the basement. Perhaps I do have a post market-meltdown retirement plan after all.

• Read people’s minds (or maybe not). There have been so many movies about the ultimate folly of being able to read someone’s mind that this may not be a good idea. I don’t think I really want to know what is going on in Sarah Palin’s brain, or Mario Berlusconi’s for that matter. Perhaps a better power would be to be able to put everyone in suspended animation and plant useful ideas in their minds. Like, for example, convince the European parliament they are a bunch of whiners.

•Invent shoelaces that don’t come untied. This would have a huge productivity impact by virtue of the time saved by not having to stop and retie your laces several times a day. And think of all the tripping over loose laces tragedies that would be averted, although the imagined perils of untied laces seem out of proportion with the actual incidence of neck-breakage.

• Learn to twitch my nose to clean the house. That would save cleaning lady money, and hopefully get rid of the cobwebs that seem to be perpetually beyond her reach. Then I could make my own fortune as a cleaning lady, since it would only take me a few seconds per house.

• Buy a cloak of invisibility. It would be useful in so many ways. I could sneak in and out of the airport lounge (or in and out of anywhere I wanted, for that matter), avoid people I didn’t want to run into on the street, and have the ultimate cure for a bad hair day. This would only work if the cloak itself was invisible so I could carry it around all the time just in case I needed it. On the other hand, it’s hard enough to find my glasses when I put them down let alone something that truly is invisible.

• Go back in time and do that law degree.

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