Do you believe in magic?

Posted by Marlinee on Jul 21, 2011 in Middle Age |

All the hype surrounding the last installment of the Harry Potter movies reminded me that magic would be a very useful skill. This is what I would do if I had magical powers.

• Learn Catish. That way I could ask Dennis why he likes to sleep on the bathmat and why he is so fascinated with the bathroom in general. I could also find out where Ricky goes when he goes AWOL when we are getting ready to go home from the cottage. And, I would finally know why cat food that was perfectly acceptable a week ago is now no longer edible.

• Find the mates to the single socks. I think this power would be priceless, because I could rent out my services to everyone on the planet. Or, maybe I would make my millions by getting all of the washer and dryer companies to bid on the ability to offer a ‘no lost sock’ warranty.

• Make all Tim Hortons’ counter staff able to understand English so they will manage to give me a tea instead of a coffee. They may also be able to correctly make my breakfast sandwich because they will know what an English muffin is. And since I have magic powers, how about serving the breakfast sandwich (nature’s most perfect food) all day?

• Have my request go to the top of the list whenever I reserve a book at the library. Wait a minute – instead, I’d like to know what kinds of books will be best sellers, and write them all (under different names of course). Then all of the best sellers would be by me and I wouldn’t have to reserve them because I wrote them. However, that would make my summer reading list rather short so maybe not such a good idea.

• Repel spiders. Spiders will not be within 5 miles of me. I also want to repel bugs in general, but they are allowed to fly around as long as they don’t come into my house or cottage and they are certainly not allowed to bite me. Some of you may point out that spiders kill bugs. That logic is not helpful and you may find yourself turned into a toad if you are not careful.

• Have a Star Trek food replicator. That would eliminate shopping, deciding what to eat, and ordering out. I also want a teleporter so I can avoid airports. Last time I travelled I had to do the full body scan thing. That’s got to be more dangerous than simply disassembling and assembling your atoms.

• Create a lightening free zone around the new cottage.

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